The Boombox Will Cost 33,000 Rubles

At ETSM, we have entered the spring semester and are looking forward to our graduation ceremonies in May. In the meantime, we must work through the mundane, business-as-usual items that come our way. But life in Moscow is different than in the States. Something happened this week which typifies some of the differences.

Russian law requires all citizens and visitors to register their presence with the local authorities. For example, when traveling to Russia, I must submit my passport (with migration card) within three business days with the local migration card to the "migration office" (which is a division of the police department or department of homeland security).

All of our students who live at the seminary must also register with the local authorities. In the past, ETSM would simply send one representative on Wednesdays (the day reserved for all organizations) to the migration office with all of the paperwork for the students and guests.

However, there was a recent change in the legal procedures that caused us many headaches. We were informed that ETSM would have to stand in the line for "individuals", and not for organizations. The recent changes in leadership of the migration office resulted in difficulties for the Seminary; he simply decided that the Seminary must stand in line like any other person (despite the fact that ETSM is a recognized organization). Standing in line means that at 3:00 AM someone has to go and get into line to apply in the morning hours.

Once our representative tried to come for registration of our students at 7:30 a.m. and he was 58th in line. Before lunch 28 people were able to go through the migration office, Valera had to miss the day. Next day the line repeats all over again.

So... We did some investigative work as to why there was such a drastic measure taken against the seminary. The government office staff explained to us that they can proceed documents of the Seminary for registration with no problems in the future if ETSM would give them a gift. But not just any gift. They specifically would like to have a boombox. Yep, that's right - a ghetto blaster.

We checked into the price of such a gift. The cost of the boom-box is 3,300-3,100 rubles (ca. $120-140 USD), depending on the make and model.

Lest anyone think where giving into bribery - have no fear! There is a Russian law which explains how large a gift can be before it is determined to be a bribe. So we're in safe legal waters. It appears to be an easy way out and an item of "keeping relationship" with the local police (migration service) who do registration for ETSM. And perhaps the Christian CD we include will also have a positive influence.

Improving Relationships - Gottman Continued

Given that having a strong marriage is such an important key to staying healthy and happy, it makes sense to direct energy into making your relationship the best that it can be. The investment will truly be worth it. Below are some tips for making your relationship a much healthier one. (These are Gottman's tips as summarized by Poonam Sharma, Ph.D

1. Nurture your friendship. Do you know your spouse’s likes and dislikes Poonam Sharma, Ph.D, dreams, worries, fears and hopes? Do you know in detail what your spouse did all day yesterday? Do you know what types of pressures he or she faces at work? The basis of a good marriage is a solid friendship. If a marriage is not built on a strong friendship, it may be difficult to stay connected over time. Make sure you take some time each day to confide in one another. During these times, make it a priority to listen and learn about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
2. Actively take steps to foster your liking and admiration for your partner. Gottman says this is the antidote to contempt. Remember your partner's good qualities. Why were you attracted to your spouse in the first place? What did you originally love or admire about your partner? By nurturing your fondness for your spouse, you can foster a much more positive attitude toward him or her.
3. Always behave respectfully toward your spouse. In relationships that deteriorate over time, respect becomes increasingly absent. Sadly, sometimes people end up treating their spouses worse than they would ever treat a complete stranger. By tolerating or engaging in disrespectful behavior, you actively contribute to the demise of your relationship. Do you ever call your spouse names? Do you ever berate your partner in front of your friends or family? Do you consider how your spouse will be affected by your cruel comments or actions? Take stock of ways you or your spouse may cross the line of respect. Remember that without respect, love cannot survive.
4. Accept and validate your partner. Recognize how much power you have to build up your spouse up or tear him or her down. You can help make your relationship a safe haven or hell on earth. Remember, everyone needs to feel accepted for who they are as a human being. Instead of attacking your spouse, try to understand his or her point of view. Also, compliment your spouse for ways he or she supports you and your relationship. It’s easy to get so focused on what is wrong in a relationship that you miss what is actually working.
5. Forgive one another. When your partner genuinely reaches out to ask for forgiveness, do not turn away. Hurt feelings and conflict are inevitable at times. When attempts to repair this hurt are repeatedly rejected, the relationship takes a hit. You may need time to let go of a grudge, bitterness, or feelings of hurt, but don’t close the door completely on your partner’s attempts to make things better. Reach deep inside and work on healing together.
6. Calm down. When conflict escalates, people can become “flooded” by strong emotions, leading to physical distress, stonewalling and defensiveness. Take a few deep breaths or call a time out. Most people need about 20 minutes to actually calm their bodies down. Take the time and come back to the issues at hand when you can actually listen to what the other person is saying without being overwhelmed.
7. Let your partner influence you. In general, men are less likely to look for common ground with their wives. Gottman notes "When a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81% chance that his marriage will self-destruct.” Remember that good marriages involve give and take. You are on the same team and need to work together for the sake of your relationship.
8. Warm up your relationship. Keep your relationship healthy by ensuring that there are at least five positive interactions for every negative one. Gottman’s research has identified that a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative ones is linked to the stability of a marriage, no matter what your typical style of resolving conflict. If there is too much negativity, the relationship suffers.
9. Learn to let some things go. Although your spouse may do things that drive you crazy, remember you can cope. It is not worth it to struggle over every little thing. Solve the problems that are solvable and let the others go. You must learn to pick your battles carefully.
10. Don’t forget to work on yourself. A relationship is just like a dance. You move in unison to create something that is truly unique. What type of partner are you? Do you work with your partner or pull hard in another direction? Do you step on her toes? Do you gaze in his eyes or focus only on your next steps? Remember you control 50% of what happens in your relationship. Be sure you are a good partner.

Making Relationships Work

This week, I read an interview in Harvard Business Review with John Gottman, Professor Emeritus from the University of Washington. Although the aim of the article was to focus on interpersonal relationships at work, he drew greatly upon his area of specialty – marital relationship.

Gottman notes that it is not conflict itself that is the problem, but how we handle it. Venting anger constructively can actually help clear the air and get a relationship back in balance. However, conflict becomes a problem when it is characterized by the presence of what Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:” criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt – the most destructive of which is contempt.

1. Criticism. Criticism involves attacking your partner’s personality or character, rather than focusing on the specific behavior that bothers you. It is healthy to air disagreements, but not to attack your spouse’s personality or character in the process. This is the difference between saying, “I’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash” and saying, “I can’t believe you didn’t take out the trash. You’re just so irresponsible.” In general, women are more likely to pull this horseman into conflict.

2. Defensiveness. Adopting a defensive stance in the middle of conflict may be a natural response, but does not help the relationship. When a person is defensive, he or she often experiences a great deal of tension and has difficulty tuning into what is being said. Denying responsibility, making excuses, or meeting one complaint with another are all examples of defensiveness.

3. Stonewalling. People who stonewall simply refuse to respond. Occasional stonewalling can be healthy, but as a typical way of interacting, stonewalling during conflict can be destructive to the marriage. When you stonewall on a regular basis, you are pulling yourself out of the marriage, rather than working out your problems. Men tend to engage in stonewalling much more often than women do.

4. Contempt. Contempt is involves tearing down or being insulting toward your partner. Contempt is an open sign of disrespect and disgust. And it is very difficult to resolve a conflict with someone when you’re communicating the message that you’re disgusted with him/her. Examples of contempt include: putting down your spouse, rolling your eyes or sneering, or tearing down the other person with so-called “humor.”

Research shows that people in contemptuous relationships are more likely to suffer from infectious illnesses, flu, colds, and so on – than other people. Contempt attaches the immune system; fondness and admiration are the antidotes.

All couples will engage in these types of behaviors at some point in their marriage, but when the four horsemen take permanent residence, the relationship has a high likelihood of failing. In fact, Gottman’s research reveals that the chronic presence of these four factors in a relationship can be used to predict, with over 80% accuracy, which couples will eventually divorce. When attempts to repair the damage done by these horsemen are met with repeated rejection, Gottman says there is over a 90% chance the relationship will end in divorce.

Postmodern Ministry Seminar in Germany

Last week, I attended a special seminar on ministry to the emerging, or postmodern generation. It was quite a good conference. I would tell you more about it, but I'll let my friend and colleague Blayne Waltrip do the talking. After all, Blayne did much of the organizing of this conference. Below is an excerpt of his report. (Here is a picture of Blayne, Stefano a minister in Italy, Winfield Bevins from Outer Banks, NC , and Dr. Ed Moodley from Lee University. The picture is from Winfield's blog.)

I am happy to report that the conference on Effective Ministry in Postmodern Culture in Europe was a great success! Tony Lane of the International YCE Department and his team of 22 experts arrived in Germany on Monday, February 11. His team consisted of John and Jennifer Harris from Brunswick, Georgia, Winfield Bevins from the Outer Banks of North Carolina, Eliezer and Dorcas Bonilla from San Antonio, Texas, (accompanied by Eliezer’s parents, Antonio and Dora Bonilla), Florin and Michelle Cimpean from Chicago, Illinois, Lance Colkmire from Cleveland, Tennessee, Jenniffer Contreras from the Pentecostal Bible College in Puerto Rico, Irma Hendrix from Atlanta, Georgia, Randy and Dana Holdman from Naples, Florida, Jerry and Leslie Lawson from Cullman, Alabama, Dr. Edley Moodley from Lee University in Cleveland, Mike and Peggy Nelson from Plant City, Florida, Collin Roberts from Leavittsburg, Ohio, and Todd and April Sturgell from Augusta, Georgia. This was truly an incredible team of experts.

The conference began on Tuesday, February 12 and was held for three days. Dr. Moodley opened the conference with a general session on what is postmodernity. Afterwards, there were four other general sessions and several “how to” workshops in several areas of ministry, including youth ministry, children’s ministry, church planting/evangelism, worship, leadership and multicultural ministry. The conference was very well attended. In addition to the many ETS students, there were representatives from the Church of God in Germany, Spain and Italy. In addition, Phil Burton, a pastor from the Ministry to the Military in Kaiserslautern, came with his father, Tom Burton from the Ministry to the Military in London. Tom Rosson, the President of the Eurasian Theological Seminary in Moscow also attended. Some of the team went with a few students to minister at the GospelHouse Church in Kehl, Germany. John Harris preached and the service went very well. John and Tony Lane ended the conference on Thursday afternoon with a closing service, which was very powerful! Every student and former student there were prayed for and blessed. What an incredible three days for the Kingdom of God! ....

I would have to conclude that the conference ... was a great success. Through their ministry, the team was able to impact several nations, including France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Russia, Serbia, England, Scotland, Switzerland, Romania, Bulgaria, Greece, Zambia, Argentina, and Luxembourg. I am convinced that we will see fruit from this conference for years to come.

Moscow: Two Weeks of Intensive Courses

Our provost at ETSM (Eurasian Theological Seminary) has put together a brief report about our lastest round of intensive courses in Moscow. This report can also be found on Ilya Okhotnikov's (he's the provost) blog.

Last two weeks (Jan.28 - Feb.9, 2008) were full of training activity: 4 seminars in 2 weeks! Excellent two seminars were taught by:

• Brother Nick Park (http://www.thesolidrock.net/), Overseer of Ireland for Church of God, Pastor and good Brother in the Lord!
  
• Introducing Change seminar and
• How to Deal with Difficult People seminar
  

• Sister Olga N. Frolova, who is a very effective leader of well growing ministry to children in Izhevsk Church of God (Regional Overseer for Church of God in Ural Region, Pastor Peter Ovechkin).
• Ministry to Children Seminar

• Brother Valeriy R. Gaidachuk, Pastor of Holy Trinity Church of God in St.Petersburg, Russia
• Introduction to Homiletics
  

More than 50 participants: students of the seminary, church pastors and leaders from churches and ministries of Moscow and regions around.

Pastor Nick is one of permanent visiting teachers at ETSM. Read more at http://www.etsmoscow.org/old/mar2007.html

Sister Olga (Ministry to Children) seminar's participants have received the foundational training from the basics of "Why God loves the little children" up to "how to plan and lead a lesson to kids based on their age and stage?" Ministry to Children seminar touched issues of real life and thus was very well received and much appreciated by all who participated. But the teacher - Olga Frolova was the most blessed person in this session.

Pastor Valeriy R. Gaidachuk: excellent class, excellent subject and excellent participants who were all enthusiastic to learn how to be more effective in preaching the Word of God.

I should say that every of these three teachers has received class appreciation for each course and a blessing from God, because it is more blessed to give than to receive. I've been there, done that myself - it is a great reward from the Lord to see people trained in the knowledge and skill of the Word and ministry!

Meet the Gorbachevs

One of the privileges of working in a Christian ministry is the challenge of fund raising. Not only do Claudia and I live in faith through the support of our donors in the States (please see the side column and complete profile), I often must raise funds for our school in Moscow. So what you see below is from my heart.

Alexei and Tatiana Gorbachev are charter members of the Russian Church of God since 1993. Our denominational leaders quickly recognized their potential and found a way for them to study at our seminary in Cleveland from 1996-1998. Upon their return to Russia, they joined the faculty of the seminary in Moscow (ETSM). Both of them have served not only as exemplary instructors, but also in various functions at the seminary.

Tatiana is a part-time teacher and full-time mother of three. She also supervises our students' ministries. Alexei oversees our computer network and is also our Academic Dean. Additionally, Alexei is leading a church plant that meets in the seminary. While secular opportunities are possible, they have dedicated themselves to work with the Church of God in training pastors and leaders.

The excellence of any seminary is its faculty and its desire for personal and spiritual growth. The Gorbachevs are no exception. Both Tatiana and Alexei began their doctoral studies (the Russian candidat naug) in 2002 at the prestigious Linguistic University of Nizhniy Novgorod on a part-time basis while continuing their duties at ETSM.

Both Alexei and Tatiana are researching in the field spiritual and moral development: Alexei is looking the psychological aspects of spiritual and moral development; Tatiana is looking at the teacher's role in the process. By design, Tatiana will defend this spring (March/April) and Alexei in the summer.

In the last three years, tuition fees at state universities have increased by more than 300%. This comes at a time when Moscow's rate of inflation was 12% at the end of 2007 and the dollar exchange rate against the ruble is at its weakest since 1999 - and our school's budget and salaries are based in dollars. Additionally, Russia's financial and banking infrastructure is still very rudimentary - there is no such thing as student loans.

The Gobachevs must have $4500 before they can defend. This is impossible for them. There is no credit, no system to pay later! Covenant Church of God of Charlottesville, VA (Dr. Harold Bare) and Christwalk Church of Fernandina, FL (Dr. Jim Chamberlain) are both helping with $1,000. We have also collected gifts from several individuals, but we still have a need of about $1500.

We are looking for sponsors who can give $50-$250. If the Lord places the Gorbachevs on your heart, we need your gift by March 1, 2008.

In a very true sense, helping the Gorbachevs means helping the seminary and the Church in Russia.

Can you imagine the power of having two Ph.D.'s added to our seminary staff in Moscow? Believe me when I share with you that this will give our seminary much integrity with government officials and other educational institutions.

Hopefully you can give usa positive answer. Your gifts and donations may go through Church of God World Missions (project name: ETS-Students / Teachers - Gorbachev, project number 710-0072), Keith at 25th Street, NW, Cleveland, Tennessee 37311.

Update from Moscow

Many of our readers know that our seminary in Moscow is in the process of receiving its license from the Russian Ministry of Education -- which is quite a bureaucratic undertaking. Just when you think you have all the details taken care of, oops, there comes another detail undone.

This is a report from our provost, Ilya Okhnotnikov, regarding our safety permit from the fire marshal.

Based on the Seminary's request to Fire Department on granting their Certificate of Fire safety for the building (needed for licensing) a Fire Department inspector paid a visit to ETSM. He was a different one from the assigned to ETSM inspector. He went through the building: kitchen, basement, ventilation system,electrical room, pump room, fire alarm system, gas removal system, looked through classrooms, library, checked all of our papers, certificate of fire proof training of ETSM's fire personnel. The visit was 40 minutes. He showed and pointed out some minor violations, which we fixed right away and which will not be reflected in his report. Anyway, the result was: this or next week we will have a new certificate from FD! Praise God!

This previous Certificate was given to us on August 3, 2007. It expires in 6 months usually: thus as of Feb. 3 the old Certificate has expired already. But glory to God: we will have a new one soon!

Thank you for keeping us in your prayer: we need your prayer support for divine guidance through the licensing process. The biggest issue is a visit of Expert Committee (of 6 people) on the Seminary's campus. No date is set for the committee's visit yet. I will keep you posted.

Isn't She Lovely? Isn't She Wonderful?

I couldn't help but to think of the words of Stevie Wonder's hit when I uploaded this picture of my lovely wife.

No, she is not suffering from multiple personality disorder. This was her costume for her monologue from last night's children's ministry. She described the story of Jacob and Esau - thus the two outfits. Kevin - the more theologically minded of our twins had a spontaneous response when he saw his mom. "Oh cool! That's like two-face (from one of the Batman films)!"