Love is not a feeling

Peck notes in The Road Less Traveled that love is not a feeling. Instead it is an activity and an investment. He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another. Love cannot be sustained by mutual dependence, rather, love between two parties is made stronger when they are completely independent of one another.

Peck distinguishes between love and cathexis. Cathexis is what explains attractions to the opposite sex, the instinct for cuddling pets and pinching babies' cheeks. However, cathexis is not love. Ironically, true love does not begin in isolation, and a certain amount of cathexis is necessary to spark true love.

The work of love begins when the cathexis wears off. Love is not a feeling. It consists of what you do for another person. "Love is as love does." It is about giving the other person what they need to grow. It is about truly knowing and understanding them.

Peck is writing predominately about the love between humans. But the same principles are easily applied to one's understanding of and relationship with God. After the newness of our walk with Christ wears off, it is important to realize that God is concerned about our spiritual growth. He gives us what we need (and not what we don't need) so that we can grow -- something we also call discipleship.